


Open-Stomached

by KrisseyCrystal (IceCreAMS)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Crying, F/M, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Unleash the Light, Pre-Movie, Self-Esteem, Steven Universe is Pink Diamond, Steven Universe is a Diamond, bismuth is kinda sorta in here, ft. the typical mom issues, really she's just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22088818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceCreAMS/pseuds/KrisseyCrystal
Summary: “Steven, I know you’ve been going to space a lot lately, but you haven’t forgotten how to breathe, right?”
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 13
Kudos: 219





	Open-Stomached

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoominQuartz (IceCreAMS)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceCreAMS/gifts).



> For a 2019 holiday giftfic swap with my wonderful husband, who requested a fic where Steven is justifiably angry.
> 
> In case anyone missed the tags, this is set after the "Unleash the Light" game and before the movie, in that vague time period where we know Era 3 was getting underway and Steven must've spent a lot of time on Homeworld and traveling to different gem colonies, but we didn't get a vantage point on that process.
> 
> Here's my attempt at it.

The thing about having a day job in space is that it is so far from home. Homeworld is several solar systems from Earth and dear old Beach City. And kickstarting Steven’s new Era 3 requires enough frequent visits that they move the top of Pink’s old diamond base and its warp pad to the house and add a second story. It’s a summer project that requires all hands on deck, which is great because Bismuth gets to offer her expertise, and Steven learns a lot from her, and together they eat tons of barbecue, and have a memorable time working side-by-side.

Steven tries not to resent the fact that the end result from everyone’s efforts is that now, he can visit Homeworld as much as he needs to. 

And now, he can take the trip alone.

* * *

“Steven, I know you’ve been going to space a lot lately, but you haven’t forgotten how to breathe, right?”

Steven sits up. _Lonesome Lasso_ issue #31 falls from his hands onto his stomach. He tries to send Connie a strange look, but the girl hasn’t lifted her head from his comforter. Her eyes are still up on the pages of _Lonesome’s_ issue #30. Steven doesn’t think she looked at him while she spoke.

“What’s breathing?”

 _That_ gets her to look at him. She whacks his arm. “Stop it. You know what I’m trying to say.”

“Am I supposed to?”

“Are we playing the question game?”

“Do you want to be?”

 _Lonesome Lasso_ issue #30 rolls up nicely in Connie’s hands. Steven squawks and quickly lays back down. His legs, lazily intertwined with hers on his bed, would have slipped free if Connie hadn’t clamped down on his with her own. 

“I’m just trying to help you. You don’t have to be a buttface about it.”

“I know. Why the funny question, though?”

“It just…seems like you’ve been holding something in.” Connie sighs and spreads her arms out on either side of her. The rolled up comic unfurls and slips to the floor. “I know you have to go to Homeworld and you’ve been working really hard to liberate all the gem colonies out there, but have you been able to relax? Take a break? And _don’t_ ask what that is, Steven Universe.”

Slowly, Steven mimics her pose, stretching his hands out to either side of him. He is very, very careful not to brush her hand with his. If they touched, he thinks he really would suddenly forget how to breathe. 

“I guess things have been challenging lately.”

“Are you okay?”

“I…” Steven sighs. It feels too big and too heavy and too much for such a bright and sunny fall afternoon. “…I think I’ll feel better once setting up Era 3 is finally over and I don’t have to go so much anymore.”

“Yeah,” Connie says slowly. “Me too.”

* * *

Steven hadn’t known at the time.

At the time, he had been excited to explore other gem colonies. At the time, he had been excited to travel around _space_ and see all of those hidden parts about his heritage’s culture he had never been able to know before. At the time, the adventure had felt like a vacation.

But Pyrope and Demantoid had been the start of a bigger problem, and it was one that Blue and White felt they had to personally counteract.

* * *

A strange look floods Connie’s eyes and replaces her joy. “Why are you wearing that?”

Steven stares back and doesn’t move from the warp pad. He doesn’t think he can. Some part of the back of his brain fiddles with the idea that maybe he should use it again and not come back again until she leaves. “W-why are you _here_?”

“Waiting for you. I thought that much was obvious.” 

“If you know where I’ve been, then the answer to your question has got to be obvious, too.” 

“Except it’s not.” Connie rises to her feet. The look on her face morphs into distress. Her hand fans out at her side, and Steven doesn’t know how to interpret it. He doesn’t know how to interpret any of what he’s seeing in her right now. “Steven, just be honest with me before I jump to some really strange conclusions, okay? Are you wearing that because you _want_ to?”

“It’s fine, isn’t it? I like wearing dresses. You know that.”

“Not this one. Ever since we got back, you’ve hated this one. And now, returning from Homeworld— _again_ —you’re wearing it? It can’t be for you.” 

“I—” 

With a sharp jerk of his head, Steven bites off the words before they can be finished. He swallows. His mother’s gloves make a strange rubbery sound as his hands turn to fists.

“I can’t give you an answer you’ll be happy with.”

“Steven, what does that mean?” 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Do _you_ understand it?” 

He looks up and their eyes meet.

Whatever Connie sees must be enough of an answer, because whatever fight had been building inside of her dissipates. She looks hurt and she looks worried and she looks angry all at once—her round cheeks tinged with the same color of his mother’s open-stomached dress.

* * *

Maybe it’s because they met and hit it off during the beach house’s summer construction project. Maybe it’s because from all she heard about her, Connie knew Bismuth knew a thing or two about righteous anger, especially one directed at Homeworld and the Diamonds. And it’s not because there’s anything against Amethyst, Garnet, or Pearl, but maybe just because Bismuth has been around so often lately, what with Steven’s plans for a “Little Homeworld” in the works—but one day, when Connie sees her, a lid suddenly pops open. Everything inside tumbles out.

It’s Bismuth who decides to tell Amethyst.

* * *

With a high chime, the warp pad glows and bursts into a pillar of light. It’s a few hours later than expected, but ironically, Amethyst expected that. Just like the initial shock that flies over Steven’s face the moment he sees her, lying on her side on the floor of the ex-moon base, her chin resting on the heel of her palm, a half-eaten bowl of trail mix at her elbow.

“Amethyst!”

She lets out a slow whistle. “So it’s true, then.”

“What is?”

“That.”

Steven follows the point of her finger to his frilly, pink outfit and flushes. “It’s—”

“—the fact it’s a dress isn’t the problem and you already know that, so let’s skip the BS.” Slowly, Amethyst rises to her feet and abandons the bowl. “It’s _whose_ dress it was and the fact that now you’re wearing it every time you go to Homeworld.”

Steven sighs. “Did Connie tell you?”

“Actually, it was Bismuth.”

“ _Bismuth_ knows?”

“Steven, you know the fact that we talk about you behind your back is because _you_ aren’t talking about _yourself_ to _us_ , right? Like, if you just talked to us, then _you’d_ be in control of the flow of Steve-O-Info and _we_ wouldn’t have to do things like that.” 

Steven sits down on the edge of the warp pad, covering his face with his hands. “Stop making sense.”

“Nope.” With a graceful toss of her weight, Amethyst sits down beside him. Her wide span of lavender hair fans out around them, pooling onto the warp pad’s glass surface. “You said it yourself. I’m the most mature Crystal Gem. I’m _supposed_ to make sense and right now, sense is exactly what you need. Connie said you weren’t making any when _she_ tried to talk to you about it.”

“That’s because—” 

Steven bit the words off so hard and so fast, his tongue almost bled for it.

“Because…?”

“I…guess I don’t know how to talk about it.”

“So it’s complicated.”

“Yeah.”

Amethyst leans back, squints her eyes, and looks him up and down. She gives a careful hum of thought. “Are you wearing this because the other Diamonds are forcing you to so that you’ll look more like Pink and therefore, other high-ranking gems you have to convince to relinquish control will take you seriously as an authority figure whose word matters and be more inclined to follow your new rules for Era 3?”

Steven lifts his face from his hands and blinks. “I…yeah.”

“Doesn’t sound _that_ complicated.”

Steven’s sharp wince gives it away. Amethyst tilts her head. “What’s complicated is your feelings about it.”

“Of _course_ it is,” Steven sighs.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about? If Connie told you everything, then you already know I hate it.”

“Uh, I only talked to Bismuth, actually. So no, I didn’t get that.”

Steven makes a sound high in his throat Amethyst has never heard him make before. It rumbles on its way out, so angsty and so _teenager_ that it’s stunning. She watches the boy stand up from the warp pad. His face, tight and shadowed in the late evening through the dome windows, doesn’t hold as much baby fat as she’s used to seeing.

Has he…grown?

When did that happen? 

“It’s pathetic! I know it is. I shouldn’t be angry. It shouldn’t matter what I have to do to make everything right. To fix Homeworld. It should be _fine_ that I have to dress up. Nanafua dresses in suits to do her mayoral stuff all the time. So that’s just what this, right? A suit? I shouldn’t overthink it. They don’t mean it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like they don’t want to see me as _me_ !” he bursts and paces, throwing his gloved hands up into the air. “I know the Diamonds are trying and it’s hard for them to suddenly change what they’ve been doing and thinking for thousands and thousands of years, so it’s _stupid_ to be mad at them, but everytime I have to wear this, I feel like the less and less they’re _trying_ ! They’re no longer interested in taking that chance to get to know _me_ . They’re just substituting me for _her_ again! And if I want this new Era 3 to work, I have to get them on my side and to get them on my side I have to play along with their game and do everything they said Pink would have done, even if it’s different than what _I_ would do. They don’t care about Steven, just the pink diamond. Ugh, I’m so tired of it! I’m trying so hard for them. I’m doing everything they want. I’m—”

“—Stee-man—”

There’s a loud spill of ceramic tipping over and then a rush as M&M’s and peanuts and raisins and pretzel sticks spill out across the floor. Steven freezes where he stands with his foot half-raised, toe caught on the lip of the bowl. 

A beat of silence passes.

“Great!” Steven bends down to pick it up. “And you know what’s another thing? I _like_ dresses. I _like_ dressing up. But now that this is becoming associated with _them,_ I can feel myself resenting it and I _hate_ that! They’re taking away my ability to be _myself—_ in front of _everyone_! After I _just_ figured out once and for all who I am, I can’t even—do they have to take away something else I like too?”

Amethyst stands. “Stee—Steven—”

“Why aren’t I _good enough_?”

Steven raises his hand and with a single throw, the bowl fractures on the floor. Shards scatter. There’s a soft silhouette of his form that is broken, split onto the white pieces that—when he sees it—looks too reminiscent of broken glass he has seen before on a different moon’s base. Steven gasps and steps back and wonders if it’s a trick of the light that he thought he saw hair is no longer quite so dark and black as it should be. His eyes—

“I—”

Amethyst.

Amethyst’s hands are on his cheeks, turning him up from the broken bowl. Forcing him see nothing else but her. They are grounding. Anchoring. 

“No. Stee-man, don’t talk yourself out of this. I know you and I know that’s what you’ve been trying to do this entire time and that’s why these emotions are so complicated. _Listen_ to what you are feeling. It’s not stupid. You’re not dumb. You have _every_ right to be angry.” 

There is something simmering and low in her voice. She almost shakes his head with how tightly she is holding him.

“You have had every right to be angry for fifteen years.”

Something eases in his chest. Deflates.

His face crumples before he does. Amethyst wraps him in her arms and holds him as together, they sink to the floor.

* * *

“You’re too nice to think of this,” Amethyst says into his hair later that night. The shards and mess of trail mix has been picked up, tossed out, and there’s no other sound to hear beyond the sigh of the ocean through Steven’s open balcony door, “but even if the Diamonds have had—as you put it—thousands and thousands of years to get comfortable with their lives and their thoughts and their patterns of behavior, doesn’t that mean they should be the ones all the more mature and ready for change?”

Steven sniffs. There’s something like a smile in his muffled voice from where it’s pressed between her chest and his pillow. “I thought everyone always said change doesn’t come naturally to gems.”

“Eh. I think that’s just their way of diverting blame when they react badly to it.”

Steven chuckles.

Amethyst lifts her voice a pitch and practices her White Diamond impersonation. “‘Oh, no, that’s not _my_ fault. Change just isn’t in my nature!’”

Steven’s chuckle turns into a laugh that he has to turn his head up to let free.

Smiling, Amethyst lifts her head and runs a hand through his curls. She looks at the red lapel collar of his banana pajamas, curling up onto his now-dry cheek. 

“I know this ain’t solved and it’s gonna take time and lots of hard conversations with a few giant, ex-matriarchs to make it better, but…are ya at least feeling okay tonight?”

Steven breathes deep—in and then out. 

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> You ever think about how the very first spoken word in the show (not counting the theme song, of course) was "No"? 
> 
> Wouldn't it be cool if the last word in the final episode of Future was "Yes"?


End file.
